You are going to LOVE this! We believe in God, Family, Country and LAUGHTER!!
My personal favorite is the Garbage Truck and the Mailbox!
Laughter IS the Best Medicine: Are They Filming Where You Work OR are They Filming You?
If you don’t laugh at this, check your pulse!
This little pug lives in Belfast, Ireland. If she doesn’t make you smile, the song sure will. Sometimes we all feel a little like this! By the way Loca has other videos. This is making the rounds on email and Facebook.
Please, enjoy and SMILE!!
As a side note, his inability to run is caused by a neurological disorder called ataxia, which is in most cases neither life-threatening nor painful.
Aaawwww! Got to love it!
Laugh out Loud Fishing Bloopers; AND Never take a Prissy Girlfriend Fishing; Boy Catches First Fish
1) Catch and Release: This is a conservation term that happens right before the local Fish and Game Protection Officer stops your boat when you have caught over the limit.
2) Hook: (i) A small curved piece of metal used to catch fish. (ii) A clever advertisement to entice a fisherman to spend his live savings on a new rod and reel. (iii) The punch administered by said fisherman’s wife after he spends their life savings [see also, right hook, left hook].
3) Line: Something you give your colleagues when they ask on Monday how your fishing went over the weekend.
4) Lure: An object that is semi-enticing to fish, but will drive an angler into such a frenzy that he will charge his credit card to the limit before exiting the tackle shop.
5) Reel: A weighty object that causes a rod to sink quickly when dropped overboard.
6) Rod: An attractively painted length of fibreglass that keeps an angler from ever getting too close to a fish.
7) School: A grouping in which fish are taught to avoid your $30 lures and hold out for bread instead.
8) Tackle: What your last catch did to you as you reeled him in, but just before he wrestled free and jumped back overboard.
9) Tackle Box: A box shaped amazingly like your comprehensive first aid kit. Only a tackle box contains many sharp objects, so that when you reach in the wrong box blindly to get an elastoplasts [band aid], you soon find that you need more than one.
10) Test: (i) The amount of strength a fishing line affords an angler when fighting fish in a specific weight range. (ii) A measure of your creativity in blaming ‘that flippin’ line’ for once again losing the fish.
As you turn your clocks back tonight, here is a little humor!
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
“How old are you?” “I’m four and a half!” You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five! That’s the key.
You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
“How old are you?” “I’m gonna be 16!” You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re Just a sour-dumpling. What’s wrong? What’s changed.
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50.
And your dreams are gone.
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn’t think you would.
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it’s a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday.
You get into your 80’s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn’t end there. Into the 90’s, you start going backwards; “I Was JUST 92.”
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. “I’m 100 and a half!”
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Actual Clippings From Church Bulletins:
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: “The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals.”
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
Miss Charlene Mason sang, “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
“Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.”
Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers’. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing “Break Forth into Joy.”
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say “hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
Don’t let worry kill you – let the Church help.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoy sinning to join the choir.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
The Lutheran men’s group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel. For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.
Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M.-prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday. Please use the back door.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours
“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.”
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
I don’t mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I’ve saved all year.
If anyone is interested, I will be signing books at Barnes and Nobles from 3pm until removed by security.
Police officers must be the worst drivers…they’re involved in every accident!
I lost twenty five pounds in two seconds with diet, exercise, and Photoshop.
Outside a muffler shop:
“No appointment necessary.
We hear you coming.”
Sign in ‘George’s Service Station’
Glen Ellen, CA:
If your car sounds like:
“ping-click-ping” – $10.00
“click-whine-click” – $25.00
“clunk-whine-clunk” – $50.00
“thud-clunk-thud” – $100.00
“clang-thudc-clang” – $300.00
“Can’t describe it” – $500.00
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her cupboard that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife’s bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two knitted dolls and a stack of
money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents.
‘When we were to be married,’ she said, ‘ my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and knit a doll.’
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him twice in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.
‘Honey,’ he said, ‘that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?’ precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him twice in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.
‘Oh,’ she said, ‘that’s the money I made from selling the dolls.’
Well, everything is free but money you will have to spend at the vendors! Such UNIQUE Vendors. You have just go to see it. Andy Maloy has really brought out Founders Day together with a professional set up! Come see what we’ve done!!
Computer Tech Support Calls
Here are actual calls to computer technical support reps:
Customer: I’m trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn’t work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you’ve got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven’t got a computer. It’s in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen…..
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one…
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.
Customer: No .. wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it into the computer yet… it’s still on my desk… sorry….
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
This is pretty cool for kids parties and the office and just all sorts of fun scenarios!
A big steel company was feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new head of human resources. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the HR supremo noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, “How much money do you make a week?”
A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, “I make $500 a week. Why?”
The Human Resources boss said, “Wait right here.” He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $2,000 in cash and said, “Here’s four weeks’ pay. Now GET OUT and don’t come back.”
Feeling pretty good about himself, the new boss looked around the room and asked, “Does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?”
From across the room a voice said, “Pizza delivery guy from Domino’s.”
Here are a dozen or so useful pieces of advice designed to put you in a reflective mood. These sayings are not strictly jokes, but offer a useful change of pace .
I’ve learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
As I’ve Matured… I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I’ve learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.
I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.
I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others — they are more screwed up than you think.
I’ve learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
I’ve learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.
I’ve learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you’re finished.
I’ve learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.
I’ve learned that ex’s are like fungus, which keeps coming back.
I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I’ve learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
I’ve learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
Finally, I’ve learned that I don’t suffer from insanity – I enjoy it!
A Primary school teacher recorded the answers she was given in a class discussion, they could make you smile or even laugh:
Good morning. . . . At present we are not at home but, please leave your message after you hear the beep. Beeeeeppp …
If you are going to invite us to dinner, or, take us to a restaurant, start talking – we are listening.
Love Cats? You are going to love this! Music is good, too. Remember to smile today!
Have a great weekend!! And remember to smile!